apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
