Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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