then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
