She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
