Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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