You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
