i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
