did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
