I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I party with great urgency now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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