was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
