I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
