i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you made out with another girl for some wings
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
