Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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