Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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