i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
