all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize