You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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