i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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