I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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