...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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