Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
