Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
