clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who died my cat blue again?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
