i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
