hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize