We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
