i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
