i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
