Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
