Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
