I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
