There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
