Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
