Fuck appropriateness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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