Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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