im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found a bag of teeth...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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