Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
