I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
