this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
