My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
