Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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