She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
