garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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