Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
