I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
