There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
