Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
