I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
