Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
