he puts the penis in happiness.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
