I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
