this just has baby written all over it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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