I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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