There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
