True but thats because hes a fetus.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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