just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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