i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
