I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
