That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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