Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
