Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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