she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
