and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
