Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
