she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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