:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
