Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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