I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
