I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
