Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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