I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
