Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
