So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
