i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
