she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
