did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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