eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
