This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
