It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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