I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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