Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My vagina is officially offended.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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