I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
