the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
